A Mark, a Yen, a Buck, or a Pound

A pound in my face that is. Yes folks, I'm talking about money. Money money money blech. Seriously, though, it's the biggie on my mind this year. I really want to be a more "put together" person. The financial aspect is really taking deflating my hopes for that goal though.

Money's on my mind all the time, not just this year. The desire for it, ideas for what to do with it, the realization I don't have it. I am coming up on 30 before long and truthfully I have nothing to show for it. I have a decent paying job (I would love to make more but I'm not out hocking Rolox watches in the seedy underbelly of Sugarhouse either). I don't have a mortgage or a car payment. I own designer nothing. Clearance clothes from Express are a classy treat for me. Zero big ticket items in my house. My TV could double for a coffee table and HD? Ha, funny joke. My laptop is a hand-me-down from my mom and let's just say it must be going through menopause or something. I swear the thing is moodier than a Nirvana song. In fact, most things I own are hand-me-downs.

I would be remiss if I didn't pause here to say how much I do appreciate the kindness of others in my life. There is nothing wrong with hand-me-downs and they have all played a role in helping me make it on my own. I belive they have their time and place though. ALSO I am more appreciative than I let on about how I even exist on my own. I don't want for food, water, or heat and I have been through times where I couldn't say that. So I do appreciate what I've been blessed with and I know that I am probably better off than I deserve.

At times I'm amazed at how far in debt people can actually get themselves. I mean how is it even possible? I have a small fraction of the debt I know many people have and I feel like any more and I'd be on the street. It absolutely blows my mind when I listen to Dave Ramsey and someone calls in saying they're $80k in debt, not including the house. On what? Even with a high interest rate, how did they get approved for any kind of loan or credit?! Yeesh!

But I digress...I decided around September of last year that I was just sick and tired of it all. I feel 100% dependent on my job because I live paycheck to paycheck. Not saying I'd walk out tomorrow, but wouldn't it be cool if I could? Holy freedom! What would it be like to drive a car I don't have to explain to people when they see it? What would it be like to *gasp* OWN a home? Even just to have the option to own something? I get heart palpitations just considering that possibility.

I made lame mistakes in my youth. Not only did I do that, but I clearly didn't learn from them because I continue paying for them. I used my depression over the situation as an excuse to dig myself deeper. So no more! NO. MORE! I've had enough already. I'm allowing myself to be obsessed. Anyone who knows me knows that I hate when people fling around the term OCD. I'm not going OCD (heaven knows I am way to scatterbrained to go that far), but I'm definitely getting obsessive. By the end of the year I demand to be out of debt except for one thing that I know will take longer no matter what. But other than that, a good girl I will be.

So I apologize in advance when you catch me staring at Mint.com slackjawed and eyes glazed like doughnuts. I apologize for having absolutely no fun stories about trips, dinners, or shopping excursions and annoying you with daily exclamations of "I'm going to be practically out of debt this year!" I have to keep my eye on the prize and constantly remind myself how worth it this goal is or I will just let myself down again. Also, please refrain from thinking I'm a loser when I can't take the fun weekend out of towner or when I just order an appetizer at dinner because I have a half off coupon. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. And this girl's Got To Do IT!

On a happier note, I've noticed that the more I deny myself spending money on fun things, the more opportunities fall into my lap to still get stuff. Coupons, sales, and gift cards (especially when combined) are my friends. One example, which I know I've shared with many already, is my most recent trips to Kohls. I had returned a skirt there which they would not give me cash for because I bought it with a Visa gift card. So I had a merchandise credit for about $26.00. I hung onto it thinking I would use it the next time I thought I was going to burst from wanting so badly to shop. Along comes my sweet mom with a $10 off coupon that she wasn't going to use. She offered it to me and I said SURE! I took those puppies to the store in Logan when we were bored one weekend and got two shirts on clearance plus a smoke box for the BBQ. The clearance was another 25% off so I got the whole shebang for $20. I came into work and shared my bargain hunting experience only to have my kind and generous coworker tell me that she had a $10 Kohl's cash coupon that she wasn't going to be using and would I like it? Shiz yes! So I took that puppy over on my lunch break and got two more shirts paying just over a dollar out of pocket for tax. Having no money for shopping I still managed to get 4 shirts AND the smoker box for about $1. Patience combined with my coupon/gift card hoarding seems to be paying off. Hopefully it keeps up. It's so much easier to get a little reward for my hard work.

*On a side note* My dad had his brain surgery and is doing really well. It's very encouraging. So hopefully, if all continues to go well, kidney surgery will be on this spring!